Looking back at the better

Maybe I should be saving this for tomorrow, but because I will be occupied for the majority of the day, there is literally no time like the present.

2010. I remember thinking, "People said that 2009 was a really bad year... but what makes them so sure that 2010 will be better? It won't be."

Here's what I get out of that mentality: "Better" is relative. Better than what? On what level? Emotional? Financial? The list continues. My point is that the concept of "better" usually hinges on subjective happiness. What does this mean? It means that what makes us happy is not always what is best for us.

For instance, this year was not a better year on the level of subjective happiness. It was a hard one, full of difficult situations and heartache. On another level, the objective happiness level, it was a better year. Seemingly paradoxical, it is true. This year has provided multiple opportunities to strengthen my relationship with God and I have learned so much. I have grown.

Here are a few of the things that happened:
-Lived in England for a month (Incredible learning experience for loving those who claim to have the same values as you but they really don't)
-Health scares related to my mom (History of breast cancer and we thought it came back along with a case of shingles)
-Broken relationships with people who were/are close
-Student teaching (one of the most intense emotional experiences of my life so far)
-Weddings and engagements of friends
-Living in an apartment for the first time

Obviously that doesn't cover the entire year. Honestly, I feel like 2010 is a year of brokenness for me. The beautiful things is that I know I'm being reconstructed by my Creator so that I am able to glorify him better. I can honestly say I am stronger from the me that stepped into this year. There are things that I struggle with more intensely now but I stand upon firmer ground. As I transition into 2011, the year I will graduate from college, the year I will hopefully find a teaching job, I am stepping into another world of unknown things yet I feel as if I'm being slowly, albeit painfully, prepared for it.

I am not going to say that 2011 will be a better year because I know that I will be hoping for the subjective happiness. Rather, I am anticipating more brokenness and healing that only happens in Christ. Broken trust and broken hearts do not mend with a snap of fingers. They don't fix themselves when the human decides he or she is done hurting. We have to press on and ride it out. I pray for healing. I pray for the restoration of trust. I pray for guidance.

Ok, 2011. You heard it. Now stop dawdling and arrive, already!